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Kansas Jayhawk Jokes


Aug02

Lawrence News Report: Football practice in Lawrence was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, MarkMangino, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

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One foggy night, a Kansas State fan and a Kansas fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Manhattan. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The Kansas fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Wildcat fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The Kansas fan walks over to the Wildcat fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Wildcat fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Wildcat fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Jayhawk fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Jayhawk fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Jayhawk fan hands it back to the Wildcat fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Wildcat fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

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Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Lawrence?

A: Manhattan: 67 Miles

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A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good Kansas joke?"

The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a Kansas grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a Kansas grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's a Kansas grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"

The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

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Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: a Kansas, a Kansas State grad, a Florida grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.

As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They argued all the way up the mountain, and when they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom.

Not wanting to be out done, the Florida grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Gators!"

Seeing this, the Kansas State grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Wildcats!" and pushed the Jayhawks fan off the side of the mountain.

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One day in an elementary school in Lawrence, KS, a teacher asks her class if the Kansas Jayhawks are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "The Kansas State Wildcats "

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Wildcat fan, my mom is a Wildcat fan, I guess that makes me a Wildcat fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a Kansas fan."


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