....Observations lite....
Today is Sunday, January 29, 2012
Weather Forecasting
May28
It was autumn, and the Red Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a Red Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.
But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"
"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.
A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"
"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "It's definitely going to be a very cold winter."
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever."
"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, "The Red Indians are collecting wood like crazy."
What is Celibacy?
Jan17
Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by Circumstances.
While attending a Marriage Weekend, Walter and his wife, Ann, listened to
The instructor declare, 'It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.."
He then addressed the men,
'Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?'
Walter leaned over, touched Ann's arm gently, and whispered,
'Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn't it?'
And thus began Walter's life of celibacy..........
Penguins
Jan03
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go?
Wonder no more!!!
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.
The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Then they kick him in the ice hole."
You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?!!!
You Know You are a Redneck Church if:
Dec29
Upon learning that Jesus fed the 5000, the men want to
know whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what
bait was used to catch 'em.
The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the
purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows
how to play one.
The pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up
the offering." Then five guys and two women stand up.
Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official
church holiday.
A member of the church requests to be buried in his
4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole
it couldn't get out of."
The choir is known as the "OK Chorale."
In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven
last names in the church directory.
Baptism is referred to as "Branding."
There is a special bake sale to raise funds for a new church
septic tank.
High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.
The baptismal is a #2 galvanized wash tub.
The choir robes were donated by Billy Bob's Bar-B-Q, and are
embroidered with his logo.
The collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy.
